Junior

Finally, an upperclassman
The year seems to fly by
As you wait for the coveted title of Senior
But you feel stuck
As your boyfriend is off at college
Experiencing
And you are still here
Waiting
And you want him to come back
And you hope he comes back
So you get promise rings
So he has to promise to come back
And sometimes he comes back every weekend
And sometimes not for a month
And sometimes promises are broken
And you are up until the early morning
Fighting
Meanwhile, you are suddenly aware of how
Different you are from everyone
All your friends are picture-perfect
Cookie-cutter representations of
The Ideal Teenager
And every morning, you have to endure
The same compliment war
“Oh my God, your shoes are amazing!”
“Oh my God, your makeup is stunning!”
No one looks at you
With your weird sweaters
And makeup-less face
And it continues
“Shut up, you are so skinny”
“No, you’re so skinny!”
And no one looks at you
Because if you aren’t anorexic
And you aren’t bulimic
Then what are you?
With your dark, curly hair
And pale white skin
One of these things is not like the other
And it’s you
Your better-than-you-in-every-way friend
Gets the lead in the musical
And you are reduced to a smaller role
And the director doesn’t even know your name
In English, you are the only one who reads the books
And since you are The Only One
You become a target
And what should be encouraged
Is now looked down upon
And everyone makes fun of you
Because while you are at home reading the books
They are all out having sex, doing drugs, and partying
But their grades reflect it
And yours never drop below an A
And you have to keep telling yourself it will be worth it
Your parents force you to think about college
And even though they say it’s okay to not know what you want
They still expect you to know what you want
You visit a million colleges
And they all seem desirable
You visit Princeton, Columbia, Brown, Yale
To appease your parents
Even though you all know you’ll never get in
You score a 2080 on your SATs
And even though that’s the best your little school
Has seen in years
You are still inadequate and need to retake them
And even though you score in the 99th percentile
On the ACTs
Your parents will never be proud
And you are still
Always will be
A number
But things are still looking up
You are in love
You have friends
You haven’t cut in a year
In fact, it is the first year you’ve gone completely without cutting
Since 7th grade
And you graduate from your 3-and-a-half year gig at therapy
In the evening of the last day of school
You go to a theater awards ceremony
Where you win 2nd place for Best Featured Actress
And you think
“Wow, all my hard work paid off”
And you think
“Wow, people actually acknowledge my talent”
And you think
“Wow, my parents are actually going to be proud”
Until your dad reminds you
That second place
Is the first loser